YES, ITS HURT. IM HURTING RIGHT NOW.
How a nice first post in a century. My heart bleeding yet at the same time I’m blaming myself for this. For letting they hurt me. I’m not supposed to let them make me crying. It’s not me.. blame my heart. That was too much and I can’t handle the hurt anymore.
Now, that i can’t cry.. i feel numb–or sort of… i don’t feel anything anymore. Last night, i was crying so hard until i cant breath.. i let my tears overflow and letting out my anger, sad, disappointed and whatsoever i felt last night.
Things that makes me sad;
1. I don’t believe in best friend anymore, like I used to this few months… Because she was disappointing me. She made fun of me when i was on the VERY bad mood, She knew it, that i need some time alone. But.. she was.. OMG! I can’t believe that at first. She made fun of me for her other friends. I was hurt. Well, i am.
They laughed at me and made fool of me and i just pretended to laugh as well (slightly). I know she is very happy to find another friend to live with, to stay with and i respecting her decision. Whatever makes her happy. I’m not questioning her or prohibit her for doing anything she likes. Even though i can’t accept that fact because i think it was unreasonable. I was still working on that fact. And she.. just… laughing happily with her friends by made fun of me. I can’t say i was happy as well, right?
And then… my family.. I was so tired and well…
I was asking for help.. for little help, and no one was there to help me. What a life i have. :’)
I was born to be a ignorance girl. No one was there and taught me how to love or even how it feels to be loved by someone. I was born and alone and lonely girl that isolated herself in her cave and build thick wall around herself. No one can enter that wall.. and well, i just like that..
Finally, when i NEEDED that damn computer, my brother in law was… he took my place and play stupid GAMES and that was when my anger has been boiled up. And because it was irrational for me just came at home after college on 09.30 PM and suddenly—crying. Hell no, i was just staring at wall for about 30 minutes and everyone starts asked me why but I didn’t answer them either. And then, i just laid on my bed and finally cry. I feel like it was my first cry for century. I didn’t cry that much but when i cry—you know the rest.
As thankful i have… Aphrodite was there and ask me weather there was some problems or else. I feel like she was the only one who knows me at that time. And when i almost borrowed her shoulder to cry, well.. she said her boyfriend would pick her up in a minute.
I just smile and shrug it off. Go home and cry by myself.
credit to the owner